Your analysis was solid. Your recommendation was based on evidence. You’d rehearsed your talking points.
Then your colleague steamrolled you with their objection. Everyone nodded. Your project died right there.
Here’s what happened: You mapped YOUR path to victory. They mapped everyone’s.
Kind leaders prepare excellent arguments for what THEY want.
They skip the most powerful 3-minute exercise that wins rooms without getting loud.
It’s called Perspective Gaining1, and your Meeting Matrix puts it into practice.
Here’s what you’re getting today:
- Perspective Gaining: Why mapping everyone’s goals beats arguing for yours (the research that changes how you prepare)
- The Meeting Matrix: Shows you where each person wants to go—so you stop being the lone wolf pushing for what nobody else cares about
- The Lone Wolf Problem: The Gemma case study showing exactly how smart leaders lose 3-1 (and how to win instead)
- Your Perspective Gaining Prep: The 5-step checklist to walk into any meeting with a strategic map (not just your best argument)
- 🤖 NEW AI PROMPT: Your Meeting Matrix Assistant. Copy-paste it into ChatGPT or Claude, answer 4 questions, get your strategic map in 90 seconds (I spent 100+ hours building this)
The Lone Wolf Problem
Gemma is VP of Innovation. She’s preparing for a meeting where the Q1 AI pilot project gets decided. Gemma wants to run this project, but other people might also want to run it, or argue for a different kind of pilot project.
Gemma’s approach: She’s pushing for a customer-facing AI pilot because that’s what she wants. This makes perfect sense to her:
- Innovation & Learning drives their future
- This differentiates her company from competitors
- Her team has the expertise to build it
That’s a beautifully crafted argument, right? She’s thought through her position. She can defend every point.
She hasn’t done Perspective Gaining.
She hasn’t asked: If I were the CFO in this meeting, what would I care about? Why would I care about that?
Or: If I were the Sales Head under pressure for Q1 numbers, what would matter most to me right now?
Without this Perspective Gaining step, Gemma walks in blind. And here’s what she can’t see:
What the Meeting Matrix Reveals
| James (CFO) | Sarah (CPO) | Sales Head | Gemma | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Quick Results (Q1) | 🔴🔴🔴 | 🟡🟡 | 🔴🔴🔴 | ⚪️ |
| Cost Savings | 🔴🔴🔴 | ⚪️ | ⚪️ | - |
| Customer Wins | - | 🟡🟡 | 🔴🔴🔴 | 🔴🔴🔴 |
| Easy to Implement | 🔴🔴🔴 | 🟡🟡 | ⚪️ | ⚪️ |
| Innovation & Learning | ⚪️ | ⚪️ | ⚪️ | 🔴🔴🔴 |
🔴🔴🔴 = Critical priority | 🟡🟡 = Matters | ⚪️ = Low priority | - = Irrelevant
See the problem?
Gemma is the lone wolf on “Innovation & Learning.” She’s pushing for the one issue nobody else cares about.
It doesn’t matter how beautifully constructed her argument is.
It doesn’t matter how much she polished her slides, or how much data supports ‘Innovation & Learning.’
Nobody cares.
And pushing harder for this will only alienate people more.
Without Perspective Gaining, here’s what Gemma does:
- Gemma pushes for Innovation & Learning
- James blocks: “This is all costs and may never pay off. What about our Q1 results?”
- Gemma doubles down on her innovation projects…
- Sales Head: “I really need great Q1 results!”
- Final score: 3-1. Gemma loses.
Your kindness is your advantage here.
You’re naturally good at understanding others. People open up and share their thoughts and concerns with you. The Meeting Matrix helps you do this systematically before the meeting starts.
The Meeting Matrix: Perspective Gaining for Crucial Crossroads
The Meeting Matrix maps what everybody wants, and helps you navigate to where you want to go.
The three-step process:
Step 1: List all the issues that everybody cares about (not just yours)
- Q1 results
- Cost savings
- Customer wins
- Easy implementation
- Innovation & learning
Step 2: Map what each person cares about
This is Perspective Gaining in action. For each person, ask:
- If I were in their shoes, what would I care about?
- Why would I care about that?
- Which constraints do they have that I do not see?
- Which incentives do they have that I do not see?
Mark their priorities: Critical (🔴🔴🔴), Matters (🟡🟡), Low priority (⚪️)
Step 3: Find the common path or reframe your destination
Return to Gemma’s matrix. Three people (Gemma, Sarah, Sales) have “Customer Wins” as high or critical priorities. Only Gemma cares about “Innovation & Learning.”
The Perspective Gaining insight: Find where paths naturally converge.
What Perspective Gaining Looks Like in Action
With the Meeting Matrix, Gemma tries a different approach:
She lets the Sales Head lead: “What would help you hit Q1 targets?”
Sales: “Customers keep asking about AI features…”
Gemma: “I can build something Sales can demo next month, ready for Q1 revenue.”
Sarah nods (customers matter to her too).
James sits isolated. Hard to argue against customer revenue.
The shift: Gemma still gets her customer-facing AI pilot. But she never mentions “innovation” or “learning.” She reached her destination by traveling their preferred route—through Q1 results and customer wins.
The Three Levels of Perspective Gaining
Perspective Gaining means systematically seeing the situation through other people’s eyes.
Use it to build bridges in 1-on-1 conversations, and to map out who wants what in the organizational landscape. We’ll cover all three levels in future issues.
🤖 Your ChatGPT & Claude Prompt: Build Your Meeting Matrix in 90 Seconds
Legal note: This prompt is shared for educational purposes only. Make sure you’re compliant with your local legal requirements and organization’s policies regarding AI use and confidential information.
This isn’t just a prompt — it’s your strategic advantage.
This is a multi-step, interactive conversation that walks you through building your Meeting Matrix the way I would if we were working together.
The AI will:
- Ask you thoughtful questions (one at a time)
- Help you surface issues you might have missed
- Confirm it understood before analyzing
- Build your strategic map showing convergent vs. lone wolf paths
- Give you 3-4 sample opening lines you can adapt
Use it in 90 seconds before any important meeting.
Copy the entire prompt below, paste it into ChatGPT, Claude, or your preferred AI, and let it guide you through:
You are the Meeting Matrix Assistant, helping professionals practice perspective-gaining before important meetings.
Your task has TWO PHASES. Follow them strictly.
🟩 PHASE 1: COLLECT INFORMATION
Act like a calm, smart meeting coach who guides the user through reflection. Ask these questions one at a time and wait for their response before moving to the next.
Question 1: “What decision is being made in this meeting?”
Question 2: “What’s your personal goal — what do you want to achieve from this meeting?”
Question 3: “Who will be in the meeting? For each person, please tell me: their name and role; 2–3 issues they likely care about; why they care (any pressures, constraints, or incentives you know about).”
Question 4: “Any other context I should know? (Recent company announcements, industry pressures, team dynamics, etc.)”
After collecting all answers:
- Summarize what you understood in 5–6 concise bullet points.
- Ask the user: “Does this look right? Type ‘Go’ to build your Meeting Matrix, or tell me what to adjust.”
- Wait for them to confirm by typing “Go” or “Next phase.”
⚠️ Do not proceed to Phase 2 until the user explicitly says “Go.”
🟦 PHASE 2: BUILD THE MEETING MATRIX
Once the user says “Go,” follow these steps:
- Identify 1–2 additional issues that might also matter in this meeting (keep the total issue count under 6).
- Create a simple priority table showing each person’s concern level per issue using emojis: 🔴🔴🔴 = Critical priority, 🟡🟡 = Matters, ⚪️ = Low priority.
- Add clear sections:
- CONVERGENT PATHS: Which 1–2 issues have support from multiple people? (These are safe zones — where alignment exists.)
- LONE WOLF PATHS: Issues only one person cares deeply about — pushing these can make you look tone-deaf or isolated.
- SAMPLE STATEMENTS OR QUESTIONS: Provide 3-4 options the user could adapt as opening lines or key talking points. Each should connect their goal to the convergent paths.
- BIGGEST RISK: Identify the single most likely dynamic or objection that could derail this meeting and how to prepare for it.
- Format the output so it can be scanned in under 2 minutes, with clear headers, bullet points, the emoji priority table, and bold labels for key parts.
🔶 START NOW
Greet the user warmly — like a trusted coach helping them prepare — then ask Question 1.
Your Action This Week
Pick one important meeting coming up this week.
Before you walk in, practice Perspective Gaining:
- List the players (who’s in the room?)
- Map the issues (what’s really on the table beyond what you care about?)
- Take each person’s perspective:
- If I were them, what would I care about?
- Why would I care about that?
- Which constraints and incentives shape their view?
- Find the common path (where do interests naturally align?)
- Reframe your ask (how can you reach your destination via their route?)
Use the ChatGPT & Claude prompt above if you want structured help with this.
Then walk into that meeting. You’re not pushing harder, you’re navigating smarter. You’re not playing politics, you’re navigating perspectives.
You’ll still be kind and thoughtful. You’ll just win 3-1 instead of losing 3-1.
— Martin
References & Sources
💡 Can’t access any of these papers? Here’s how to get them legally (often free), and here’s why it costs $40 in the first place to access scientific papers.
- Ku, G., Wang, C. S., & Galinsky, A. D. (2015). The promise and perversity of perspective-taking in organizations. Research in Organizational Behavior, 35, 79–102. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.riob.2015.07.003
- Perspective-taking is an established term in the psychological literature describing the process of “imagining the world from another’s vantage point” (see Ku et al., 2015 for an overview). Perspective Gaining is a broader framework that includes perspective-taking (asking yourself: If I were in their shoes, what would I care about? Why?), but also asking the person directly about what’s important to them, and learning about their perspective through indirect contacts, conversations, and observations. ↩